|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Loss |
Ruminates about lost child initially, loss merges with other life events; leads to social isolation changes in body and self image; relationship losses. |
Infertility equated with loss of self and immortality. Issues of entitlement lead to fear of loss of child & over protection. |
Fear, ultimate abandonment; loss biological, genetic, cultural, history, issues of holding on and letting go. |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Rejection |
Personalize placement for adoption as rejection; issues of self-esteem; can only be "chosen" if first rejected. Anticipate rejection; misperceive situations. |
Reject selves as irresponsible, unworthy because permit adoption; turn these feelings against self as deserving rejection; come to expect & cause rejection. |
Ostracized because of procreation difficulties; scape-goat partner; escape rejection may expel adoptee to avoid anticipated rejection. |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Guilt/Shame |
Deserving misfortune; shame of being different; may take defensive stance/anger. |
Party to guilt secret; shame/guilt for placing child; judged by others double bind; not OK to keep child & not OK to place child. |
Shame of infertility; may believe childlessness is curse or punishment; religious crisis. |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Grief |
Grief may be overlooked in childhood, blocked by adult, leading to depression/acting out; may grieve lack of "fit" in adoptive family. |
Grief acceptable only short period but may be delayed 10-15 years; lack rituals for mourning; sense of shame blocks grief work. |
Must grieve loss of "fantasy" child; unresolved grief may block attachment to adoptee; may experience adoptee's grief as rejection. |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Identity |
Deficits in information may impede integration of identity; may see search for identity in early pregnancies, extreme behaviors in order to create sense of belonging. |
Child as part of identity goes on without knowledge; diminished sense of self & self worth; may interface with future parental desires. |
Experience diminished sense of continuity of self; are and are not parents (Kirk's role "Role Handicap") |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Intimacy |
Fear getting close and risk reenacting earlier losses; concerns over possible incest; bonding issues may lower capacity for intimacy. |
Difficulty resolving issues with other birth parent may interfere with future relationships; intimacy may equate with loss. |
Unresolved grief over losses may lead to intimacy/marital problems; may avoid closeness with adoptee to avoid loss. |
|
ADOPTEE |
BIRTH PARENT |
ADOPTIVE PARENT |
| Control |
Adoption alters life course; not party to initial decisions; haphazard nature of adoption removes cause and effect continuum. |
Relinquishment seen as out of control, disjunctive event, interrupt drive for self actualization. |
Adoption experiences lead to "learned helplessness" sense mastery linked to procreation lack generativity. |
